It has been two weeks since my surgery. Modern medicine is quite amazing…back then people would just live with diseases and mystery illnesses and if you are lucky, you will suffer for a long time but still live. If unlucky then you just die. Now, I can decide to entrust my life to a surgeon that I have only met once and spoke to for 20 minutes and next thing I know she cut 6 holes in my back and prodded around for 4 hours to take out my two vital organs for survival. It’s not like you could ever put the adrenal glands back in. So the rest of my life I am dependent on little steroid pills and the health care system to keep me alive if I ever have a crisis. That thought I had wrestled with for a couple of months before the actual day of surgery. Actually, the morning of, I thought maybe I should just live with the disease… For someone that really thrive on planning and maintaining autonomy (some call it being a control freak) – this is really challenging. This past 16 something months I had to give up a lot of control and worked on accepting a lot of things that I am powerless in changing. Which, I am sure all people have experienced this to some degree would know how difficult it is no matter how much knowledge, resources, and support you have or not have.
I see the challenging journey ahead of me as my body start to go into withdrawal and adjust. The suffering that I have to endure to get to homeostasis is nothing compared to some really sick people out there… My roommate a young woman in the hospital had surgery AND chemo. And the other one went to ICU with unexplainable respiratory distress. So I am grateful I got to go home in a couple of days without complications.
I am thankful for my friends and family that have taken the time to wish me well. I am also cultivating patience as we head into winter with no where to go, not that many people to see, nothing to do outside. I will spend most of my limited energy on art and cuddling my squishy face French bulldog.