Stay Calm and Panic!

For the past year, my world had been full of uncertainties and anxiety about what my future will look like. Whether or not I will ever be back to “normal” – pre-Cushing’s disease. Those of you that have been following my journey know that I had two failed surgeries and lived through experiences that I never thought would happen to me. There were times where I felt so defeated that I was just glad to have done almost everything that I wanted to do in this life and just call it a day. It has taken time and patience to pull myself together and try to make the best of it all because I know how things could always be worse and that I am fortunate enough that it is not. Last year, in between dealing with my health issues and recovery, I worked on my portfolio for art school. I applied to my “dream art school” – one of the top art universities in Canada and got my acceptance letter just before everyone is advised to stay home due to a pandemic that no one in our generation or the one before us have experienced.

My consult for bilateral adrenalectomy with the endocrine surgeon is scheduled next week but they have just announced that all surgeries that are non-urgent are suspended in preparation for what is to come. I had plan to have surgery this summer so that I can go to school in the fall which doesn’t look like it will happen now. I am still grieving over this. For me, given so much that have happened this past year, was another unexpected disappointment – a series of unfortunate events. It seems that the universe would give me a little bit of hope and then take it away shortly after.

“You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan. No plan at all. You know why? Because life cannot be planned.” – Kim Ki-taek, the movie Parasite.

While it is hard to accept that many plans fail. It is much harder to think that I may not be given the opportunity to come up with a plan if I am dead.

Close to 500 people died in Italy today, it was very much the same in Wuhan in China just a few weeks ago. There were unbelievable videos posted showing crematories simply could not keep up with the amount of dead bodies. Some people will choose to shield themselves from such terrible news/facts and that is rightfully their choice. And some people will choose to be completely ignorant and continue about their lives with minor inconveniences for now. One thing is for sure though, the whole world will suffer economically for years to come which is inevitable unless you are the top 1%. I learned a great deal this past year about so many things that it would take a long while to write about. But for now, despite not being able to go to my dream school and not moving forward with curing my disease I keep telling myself:

Buona salute e la vera ricchezza

“Good health is true wealth”

and another Italian proverb: “The person who enjoys good health is rich, even if he doesn’t know it”

Because I am grateful to have another day tomorrow when I wake up with a roof over my head and food in the fridge. Thanks to my incredible mother – even though her own small food business is barely sustainable and going to be out of business soon (despite my resistive plead) she continues to hull food over to my house to drop off at my doorstep so that I don’t have to go to the grocery store. My sympathies for all those lives lost due to this virus and the many more that will come in the days ahead. There is another Italian proverb: “As long as there’s life, there is hope”. Let’s take care of each other and do everything that we can to save lives.

Much love,

Melody


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